Women’s Jazz Band

Theater

bethany

marina

pam

sarah

Piece 1: Solo

bethany, marina, and pam, seated, facing audience; marina, the soloist, slightly down stage, accompanied by bethany and pam. The three make occasional slow gestures in unison.

All three lean arm on left leg, chin in hand.

marina: When did it happen, how? such that with the use of the word “PC”—politically correct—protest went from considering itself reckless into … considering itself domesticating;

with the use of the word “PC”, protest went from picturing itself as unpredictable, rebellious activities, into picturing itself as a matter of etiquette;

and with the use of the word “PC” society went from seeing itself as that staid and lawFUL set of orderings a group of rebels protested against, into now seeing itself as the lawLESS, sexy, (All three cross legs) offending one?

How did the imagery shift, when?

pam sings blues phrase softly. All three cut off pam’s sung phrase with a finger motion over their heads, as though turning off a radio.

marina: —that with the use of the word “PC” we who want change became degraded as mere “correctors”, and those who want things as they are, became celebrated as the incorrect ones, (All three inspect fingernails) the bad boys?

pam & bethany: (Swing rhythm; from Piece 4)

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe

marina: When did the imagery shift, how? (All three suddenly uncross legs, lean forward, arms on both legs; sarah enters and consults quietly with bethany) —that with “PC” we who oppose the current system are castrated by seeing ourselves as school marms with red pencils howless bird fresent fast and future, as tight-ass correctors—“mama-cleaning-your-room-and-finding-dirty-socks-under-the-bed”, punctilious pricks, saying

No no don’t do that (All three look stage right)

no no don’t say that (all three look stage left)

no no don’t use those words (all three look forward)

(marina inhales, slight decrescendo):

No no don’t do that

no no don’t say that

no no don’t use those words

pam, marina, bethany: (Inhale. In unison, with a steady pulse, ‘rote’; start mezzo-piano, decrescendo to nearly inaudible)

No no don’t do that

no no don’t say that

no no don’t use those words

sarah and bethany speak metered text, one pulse per syllable, barely audible; marina and pam generate “offstage behavior” on stage. marina drinks some water right after her last words, pam comes over and bends over marina to whisper to her.

bethany: (pianissimo)

girl you did that

good I real-ly

think you did that

fine so I say

ve-ry fine so

as to break the

me-ter — —

sarah: (pianissimo, continuing four-pulse line)

— — what you

mean I did that

fine I did that

well oh what the

hell oh what the

bethany: (continuing)

oh what the oh

what the you’ll get

five — — —

sarah:

— you’ll get ten

bethany:

you’ll get eight —

sarah:

— — — you’ll

get to — —

bethany:

— — un- der-

stand why is it

why is it why

is it

Metered dance. All four assume a slight crouch with hands up in front of body as though about to push; they coordinate steps with low and high grunts (“hunh” and “ah”) as indicated, while they move off single file, at first moving stage right, then curling to exit stage left; they end with applauding themselves.

= 240 beats per min.

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voice: hunh hunh hunh hunh hunh

steps: L R L R L

voice: hunh hunh hunh hunh hunh

steps: R L R L R

voice: hunh hunh hunh hunh hunh ah

steps: L R L R L R

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

voice: ah ah (repeat last line—step, “ah”,

steps: L R step, “ah”—until exit)

Piece 2: “Abortions”

They re-enter stage, applauding themselves. pam acts as MC: “Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen!”All four sit in a line facing audience. Flirt: chewing gum, eye play in synchronized gestures, with practiced timing. All look left, look right, look forward, chew gum; repeat this sequence several times, getting faster.

sarah: (begins to get up) I have something I’d like to tell you—

pam: No you don’t.

marina: Sit down, sit down.

Pause 2 sec.

pam: Let’s think about the way things are.

All sit very solemn, depressed. Suddenly they tickle each other, thus laugh.

marina: Oh, it’s so funny.

Just as suddenly they stop, become very solemn again.

Pause 2 sec.

1. marina: Well?

2. All sigh, shake their heads, sink down.

3. pam begins to hum blues, snapping fingers in rhythm. (This can last up to 20 sec)

4. bethany: Now don’t start that!

5. sarah: Do you mind? Don’t!

pam stops.

5. sarah: Do you mind? Don’t!

4. bethany: Now don’t start that!

3. pam begins to hum blues, snapping fingers in rhythm (shorter than first time).

2. All sigh, shake their heads, sink down.

1. marina: Well?

Pause 2 sec.

marina: (To audience) We’re … secretaries. (She stands)

pam: No we’re not.

bethany: You may be a secretary, but I’m a full professor.

Over the next several lines, they gradually begin to stand and lean over each other, forming a sort of nested arch in profile to audience.

sarah: You may hover over the xerox machine, but I’m eating a long late lunch with other late long lunch eating executives.

Pause.

pam: We’re secretaries.

marina: That’s true.

sarah: So true it hurts.

bethany: Oh mama it hurts, it hurts.

In profile arch formation as though bending over the machine they massage each other's shoulders, then move back to their seats.

chorus: (marina, sarah, and bethany; at each line of the chorus, all four actors form a grouped pose as though sitting for a photographer) We’re … secretaries.

pam: So?

chorus: (grouped 1 + 2 + 1) WE’RE … secretaries.

pam: What’s the issue?

chorus: (2 + 2) We’re … SECRETARIES?

pam: You’re bringing this up because there’s an issue attached.

chorus: (1 + 1 + 1 + 1) We’re secretaries!

pam: I’m a person who hates issues. I’m bored by them.

chorus: (1 + 3) WE’RE secretaries.

pam: Sometimes I give myself a cognitive break, and just fixate on … grasshoppers.

chorus: (3 + 1) Secretaries!

pam: Supposing you said grasshoppers. There’s no potential issue there.

chorus: (outer 2 + inner 2) SECRETARIES!

pam: Say you’re a grasshopper—avoid the politics!

marina (Accents each syllable with hand gestures. The other three make the gestures with her) I am a grasshopper. First I burrow under the leaves, the next thing I’m the sky.

pam: Or say you were a bird! No issue!

marina: (As before, spoken with gestures, all four actors) I am a bird! Ooooooh! (All make hands swoop down)

chorus: (when hands reach laps) WE’RE SECRETARIES!

pam immediately starts the jazz singing and snapping. bethany and sarah turn to pam as though to stop her (in repeat of earlier action), then shrink down.

bethany: (remnant of chorus rhythm, as pam croons on; softly) We’re secretaries.

sarah: (Softly, resignedly) We’re secretaries.

marina and sarah exit; pam sits on floor.

Piece 3: Solo

bethany sits on a chair as soloist; pam sits croslegged on the floor; marina and sarah stand lounging at the side of the stage admiring bethany’s solo, putting their 2 cents in.

bethany: Forty watt bulb, hundred horsepower engine, he’s a nine secretary man. (pam does brief body percussion with eight attacks) That man takes the energies of nine secretaries to function! (pam does brief body percussion with nine attacks, calling out “nine!” at the end)

sarah: (To bethany) That woman, too!

marina (To sarah) Sexist remark!

sarah: (To marina) Oh, come on!

bethany: What’s YOUR secretary power, I asked him, getting on my high horse, and riding away into the distance. (pam makes galloping sound with body percussion, fading into distance)

When only eight secretaries show up, he’s crabby; with only seven, he’s irate; with only six, he’s “forced to cancel his first appointment”; five, he calls up his wife; four, he leaves, in a huff, for home, since it’s impossible for a “sentient human being to function in a non-cooperative working environment!” —leaving the four of us secretaries settin’ around, a-wonderin’ what to do, facing ‘horreur vacui’ and the vast expanse of existential emptiness, (pause) beatin’ our chests (looks at group), cussin’ out the other five for not showin’. “She told me last night she was going to call in sick but I told her that just leaves the rest of us with that big order and HE’s gonna blow his top—”

bethany stands.

Now it’s time for the Ballad of the Sad Secretary— let’s give it up for … The Group! Take it away! (she applauds)

The other three trot on; all four get in line and begin to sway in rhythm, a sort of dance step; no one speaks. Can last 10 sec.

bethany: (uneasy, looks at The Group; waits; then asks) Well, did anybody write it? Shit. OK. To continue with my epic poem (she shoos group away; they applaud and trot off), When the administrator’s brilliant technical abstract has been made possible by my non-brilliant, dogged devotion to the word processor, then—

When the full professor’s charismatic but well-organized performance in the classroom is made possible by my non-charismatic endurance of stupidifying tasks and an understanding attitude towards the antics of the xenophobic xerox machine, then—

To make it short: when all this happens there which wonderful, is dependent on all this happening here which is … dreck, then—

pam, sarah, marina respond: “Yes? Tell us!”

bethany: See, I don’t know. I cannot bring my thought to its full conclusion at this moMENT! Less time at the xerox machine and more time studying dialectics would have helped this girl out!

bethany exits.

Piece 4: Quartet

pam and marina enter as a pair.

pam & marina: (quiet chant in rhythm, gradually rising pitch)